The winter of life

The winter of life.

Beautifully written. Captures all the essence and meaning of life.


And then it's Winter...

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly

and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young,

just married and embarking on my new life with my mate.

And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago,

and I wonder where all the years went.

I know that I lived them all...

And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams...

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...

How did I get here so fast?

Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well...

seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people

were years away from me and that winter was so far off

that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...


But, here it is...

my friends are retired and getting grey...

they move slower and I see an older person now.

Some are in better and some worse shape than me...

but, I see the great change...

Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...

but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks

that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day !

And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory !

Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit !

And so...

now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared

for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability

to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did !!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...

this I know, that when it's over... its over...

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...

things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done.

It's all in a lifetime...

So, if you're not in your winter yet...

let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think.

So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

Don't put things off too long!!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today,

as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life... so,

live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...

and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things

that you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life is a gift to you.

The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after.

Make it a fantastic one."


HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold or silver."

A call to personal holiness

DEAR LORD JESUS
In your mercy, you have sanctified our body to be the temple of God.

You desired us to be holy as you are holy. You have purify us to live a holy life.

As obedient children, we want to be made holy and to honour you with our body and to offer them as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to you.

In your faithfulness, strengthen our inner man and help us flee from sexual sins common to man such as our own evil desires of lusts, sinful thoughts, and temptations outside our body, and teach us to exercise self –control to avoid sexual immorality against the body.

We thank you that you have justified us and we invite the Holy Spirit to enable us to be holy and honourable in all we do. We pray that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear, and will stand firm and not to fall, so that we may not sin against you.

AMEN

 
1 Peter 1:15-16


15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;

16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

那召你们的既是圣洁的，你们在一切所行的事上也要圣洁。因为圣经上记着说：“你们要圣洁，因为我是圣洁的。”


1 Cor 1:2

2 To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ-their Lord and ours:

写信给在哥林多神的教会，就是在基督耶稣里已经被分别为圣，蒙召为圣徒的人，和所有在各地呼求我们主耶稣基督的名的人。基督是他们的主，也是我们的主

Romans 12:1

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.

所以弟兄们，我凭着神的仁慈劝你们，要把身体献上，作圣洁而蒙　神悦纳的活祭；这是你们理所当然的事奉。

2 Timothy 2:19b 21-22

"Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness."

然而，神坚固的根基已经立定，上面刻着这样的印：“主认识属于他的人”和“凡称呼主名的人都应当离开不义”。

21 If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

人若自洁，离开卑贱的事，就必作贵重的器皿，成为圣洁，合主使用，预备行各样的善事。

22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

你应当逃避年轻人的私欲，要和那些以清洁的心求告主的人，一同追求公义、信心、爱心、和平。

2 Cor 7:1

1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

以，亲爱的，我们有了这些应许，就应该洁净自己，除去身体和心灵上的一切污秽，存着敬畏　神的心，达到成圣的地步。

1Cor 10:12-13

12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

所以，那自以为站得稳的，应当谨慎，免得跌倒。

你们所受的试探，无非是人受得起的；神是信实的，他必不容许你们受试探过于你们抵受得住的，而且在受试探的时候，必定给你们开一条出路，使你们能忍受得住

James 1:13-17

13 When tempted, no-one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16 Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

人被试探，不可说“我被　神试探”；因为　神不能被恶试探，他也不试探任何人

每一个人受试探，都是被自己的私欲所勾引诱惑的。

私欲怀了胎，就生出罪；罪长成了，就产生死亡。

我亲爱的弟兄们，不要看错了。

各样美好的赏赐，各样完备的恩赐，都是从上面、从众光之父降下来的，他本身并没有改变，也没有转动的影子。

1Cor 6:9b 11 13b 18 a

9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Sexual Immorality

12 "Everything is permissible for me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!

16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.

你们不知道不义的人不能承受　神的国吗？不要自欺，无论是行淫乱的、拜偶像的、奸淫的、作娈童的、亲男色的、

你们有些人从前也是这样的，但现在借着我们主耶稣基督的名，靠着我们　神的灵，都已经洗净了，圣洁了，称义了。

食物是为了肚腹，肚腹是为了食物；但　神却要把这两样都废掉。身体不是为了淫乱，而是为了主，主也是为了身体。

你们要逃避淫乱的事。人所犯的，无论是什么罪，都是在身体以外，唯有行淫乱的，是触犯自己的身体

1Cor 7:2-5

2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

但为了避免淫乱的事，男人应当各有自己的妻子，女人也应当各有自己的丈夫。

丈夫对妻子应该尽他的本分，妻子对丈夫也应当这样。

妻子对自己的身体没有主权，权在丈夫；照样，丈夫对自己的身体也没有主权，权在妻子

夫妻不可彼此亏负，除非为了要专心祷告，双方才可以同意暂时分房。以后仍要同房，免得撒但趁着你们情不自禁的时候诱惑你们。

1 Thess 4:3-7

3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no-one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

神的旨意是要你们圣洁，远避淫行；

要你们各人晓得怎样用圣洁尊贵的方法保守自己的身体（“身体”原文作“器皿”）；

不要放纵邪情私欲，像那些不认识　神的外族人一样；

谁也不要在这事上越轨，占弟兄的便宜，因为这一类的事，主必报应。这是我们从前告诉过你们，又严严警戒过你们的。

神呼召我们，不是要我们沾染污秽，而是要我们圣洁。

1 Peter 14-16
14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

你们既是顺服的儿女，就不要再效法从前无知的时候放纵私欲的生活。

那召你们的既是圣洁的，你们在一切所行的事上也要圣洁。

因为圣经上记着说：“你们要圣洁，因为我是圣洁的。”

7 Reasons Why Coffee Is Good For You

Coffee isn’t just warm and energizing, it may also be extremely good for you.

In recent years and decades, scientists have studied the effects of coffee on various aspects of health and their results have been nothing short of amazing.

Here are 7 reasons why coffee may actually be one of the healthiest beverages on the planet.



1. Coffee Can Make You Smarter

Coffee doesn’t just keep you awake, it may literally make you smarter as well.

The active ingredient in coffee is caffeine, which is a stimulant and the most commonly consumed psychoactive substance in the world.

Caffeine’s primary mechanism in the brain is blocking the effects of an inhibitory neurotransmitter called Adenosine.

By blocking the inhibitory effects of Adenosine, caffeine actually increases neuronal firing in the brain and the release of other neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine (1, 2).

Many controlled trials have examined the effects of caffeine on the brain, demonstrating that caffeine can improve mood, reaction time, memory, vigilance and general cognitive function (3).

Bottom Line: Caffeine potently blocks an inhibitory neurotransmitter in the brain, leading to a net stimulant effect. Controlled trials show that caffeine improves both mood and brain function.

Espresso: Evan Swigart/Wikimedia Commons

2. Coffee Can Help You Burn Fat and Improves Physical Performance

There’s a good reason why you will find caffeine in most commercial fat burning supplements.

Caffeine, partly due to its stimulant effect on the central nervous system, both raises metabolism and increases the oxidation of fatty acids (4, 5, 6).

Caffeine can also improve athletic performance by several mechanisms, including by mobilizing fatty acids from the fat tissues (7, 8).

In two separate meta-analyses, caffeine was found to increase exercise performance by 11-12% on average (9, 10).

Bottom Line: Caffeine raises the metabolic rate and helps to mobilize fatty acids from the fat tissues. It can also enhance physical performance.


3. Coffee May Drastically Lower Your Risk of Type II Diabetes

Type II diabetes is a lifestyle-related disease that has reached epidemic proportions, having increased 10-fold in a few decades and now afflicting about 300 million people.

This disease is characterized by high blood glucose levels due to insulin resistance or an inability to produce insulin.

In observational studies, coffee has been repeatedly associated with a lower risk of diabetes. The reduction in risk ranges from 23% all the way up to 67% (11, 12, 13, 14).

A massive review article looked at 18 studies with a total of 457.922 participants. Each additional cup of coffee per day lowered the risk of diabetes by 7%. The more coffee people drank, the lower their risk (15).

Bottom Line: Drinking coffee is associated with a drastically reduced risk of type II diabetes. People who drink several cups per day are the least likely to become diabetic.


4. Coffee May Lower Your Risk of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s

Not only can coffee make you smarter in the short term, it may also protect your brain in old age.

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common neurodegenerative disorder in the world and a leading cause of dementia.

In prospective studies, coffee drinkers have up to a 60% lower risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia (16, 17, 18).

Parkinson’s is the second most common neurodegenerative disorder, characterized by death of dopamine-generating neurons in the brain. Coffee may lower the risk of Parkinson’s by 32-60% (19, 20, 21, 22).

Bottom Line Coffee is associated with a much lower risk of dementia and the neurodegenerative disorders Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.



5. Coffee May be Extremely Good For Your Liver

The liver is a remarkable organ that carries out hundreds of vital functions in the body.

It is very vulnerable to modern insults such as excess consumption of alcohol and fructose.

Cirrhosis is the end stage of liver damage caused by diseases like alcoholism and hepatitis, where liver tissue has been largely replaced by scar tissue.

Multiple studies have shown that coffee can lower the risk of cirrhosis by as much as 80%, the strongest effect for those who drank 4 or more cups per day (23, 24, 25).

Coffee may also lower the risk of liver cancer by around 40% (26, 27).

Bottom Line: Coffee appears to be protective against certain liver disorders, lowering the risk of liver cancer by 40% and cirrhosis by as much as 80%.



6. Coffee May Decrease Your Risk of Dying

Many people still seem to think that coffee is unhealthy.

This isn’t surprising though, since it is very common for conventional wisdom to be at exact odds with what the actual studies say.

In two very large prospective epidemiological studies, drinking coffee was associated with a lower risk of death by all causes (28).

This effect is particularly profound in type II diabetics, one study showing that coffee drinkers had a 30% lower risk of death during a 20 year period (29).

Bottom Line: Coffee consumption has been associated with a lower risk of death in prospective epidemiological studies, especially in type II diabetics.



7. Coffee is Loaded With Nutrients and Antioxidants

Coffee isn’t just black water.

Many of the nutrients in the coffee beans do make it into the final drink, which actually contains a decent amount of vitamins and minerals.

A cup of coffee contains (30):

6% of the RDA for Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5).

11% of the RDA for Riboflavin (Vitamin B2).

2% of the RDA for Niacin (B3) and Thiamine (B1).

3% of the RDA for Potassium and Manganese.

May not seem like much, but if you drink several cups of coffee per day then this quickly adds up.

But this isn’t all. Coffee also contains a massive amount of antioxidants.

In fact, coffee is the biggest source of antioxidants in the western diet, outranking both fruits and vegetables combined (31, 32, 33).

Bottom Line: Coffee contains a decent amount of several vitamins and minerals. It is also the biggest source of antioxidants in the modern diet.

Take Home Message

Even though coffee in moderate amounts is good for you, drinking way too much of it can still be harmful.

I’d also like to point out that many of the studies above were epidemiological in nature. Such studies can only show association, they can not prove that coffee caused the effects.

To make sure to preserve the health benefits, don’t put sugar or anything nasty in your coffee! If it tends to affect your sleep, then don’t drink it after 2pm.

At the end of the day, it does seem quite clear that coffee is NOT the villain it was made out to be.

If anything, coffee may literally be the healthiest beverage on the planet.

This article was republished with permission from Authority Nutrition.

Just How Bad Is It to Exercise at Night?

Just How Bad Is It to Exercise at Night?


by Fiora Stevens on February 12, 2013

Conventional wisdom says don’t exercise at night. After all, doesn’t exercise get your heart racing and activate hormones that aren’t exactly sleep inducing? Well, yes and no. Let’s take a deeper dive into this question and separate some of the myths from science.

There are four main reasons that many people use to argue that you shouldn’t exercise at night:

Exercise increases your body’s core temperature for 4-5 hours.

Exercise releases endorphins.

Exercise increases epinephrine levels.

“It just isn’t healthy.”

Let’s address these four reasons, looking at the science and rationalization behind them.

Core Temperature

Your body maintains a core temperature of 98.6 ºF, which is healthy for most people. Exercise will raise your body’s core temperature, which is perfectly normal and healthy. In extreme cases, body temperature can even go as high as 104 ºF (which is unhealthy). However, rest and hydration will bring your body temperature back down to normal.

It takes 4-5 hours for your body to return to its normal, resting temperature. However, after thirty minutes to an hour, depending on the intensity of your workout, your body should feel normal – not warm enough to interfere with your sleep.

Endorphins

Many people who are against working out at night claim that the release of endorphins, which happens in exercise, makes it more difficult to sleep. However, other scientific studies have revealed that the release of endorphins through sex actually helps you sleep. It seems that endorphins themselves aren’t the problem. Rather, people are more prone to shirk the responsibilities of exercise and enjoy the pleasures of sex before going to bed!

Epinephrine Levels

It’s well known that epinephrine/adrenaline increases during exercise. The question is, does the presence of epinephrine last long enough to interfere with sleep? Generally speaking, once your heart rate has returned to normal (which should happen a half hour after exercise) the epinephrine in your body should have stabilized. Bottom line? Finish workouts at least a half hour before you want to go to bed.

“Just Not Healthy”

This is an excuse spoken by people who are either ignorant about science or lazy. Don’t let them stop you from pursuing optimum health with a workout routine. If you can only workout at night, that’s okay. We encourage you to go for it!

Why All the Argument Against Night Time Exercising?

Most experts tend to agree that the reason exercising at night has gotten such a bad rap is that most people are looking for an excuse not to exercise! If the evening is the only available time in your schedule, it’s easy to dismiss exercise in the name of sleep.

Plus, if you’re already exhausted, exercise will only make you more tired. And, contrary to what you might expect, being completely exhausted does not mean better sleep. Over-exhaustion, which could be the result of daily life and late night exercise, can interfere with good sleep.

(Check out some tips from WebMD on coping with exhaustion and sleep.)

Sources:http://firstaid.webmd.com/body-temperature

Why Can Some Kids Handle Pressure While Others Fall Apart?

Why Can Some Kids Handle Pressure While Others Fall Apart?

Platon for The New York Times

By PO BRONSON and ASHLEY MERRYMAN
February 6, 2013
Noah Muthler took his first state standardized test in third grade at the Spring Cove Elementary School in Roaring Spring, Pa. It was a miserable experience, said his mother, Kathleen Muthler. He was a good student in a program for gifted children. But, Muthler said, “he was crying in my arms the night before the test, saying: ‘I’m not ready, Mom. They didn’t teach us everything that will be on the test.’ ” In fourth grade, he was upset the whole week before the exam. “He manifests it physically,” his mother said. “He got headaches and stomachaches. He would ask not to go to school.” Not a good sleeper anyway, Noah would slip downstairs after an hour tossing in bed and ask his mom to lie down with him until he fell asleep. In fifth grade, the anxiety lasted a solid month before the test. “Even after the test, he couldn’t let it go. He would wonder about questions he feared he misunderstood,” Muthler said.

So this year, Muthler is opting Noah out of the Pennsylvania System of School Assessment, using a broad religious and ethical exemption. Just knowing he won’t be taking the tests in March has put Noah in a better frame of mind about school. “The pressure is off his shoulders now,” his mother said. When he doesn’t grasp a concept immediately, he can talk it through without any panic. “He looks forward to science class and math class again,” Muthler said. “He wants to be a chemical or nuclear engineer.”

Muthler understands Noah’s distress; more mysterious is why her son Jacob, who is in eighth grade, isn’t the least bit unnerved by the same tests. He, too, is in the gifted program, but that seems to give him breezy confidence, not fear. “You would think he doesn’t even care,” Muthler marveled. “Noah has the panic and anxiety for both of them.” Nevertheless, she will opt out Jacob from the tests, too, to be consistent.

Never before has the pressure to perform on high-stakes tests been so intense or meant so much for a child’s academic future. As more school districts strive for accountability, standardized tests have proliferated. The pressure to do well on achievement tests for college is filtering its way down to lower grades, so that even third graders feel as if they are on trial. Students get the message that class work isn’t what counts, and that the standardized exam is the truer measure. Sure, you did your homework and wrote a great history report — but this test is going to find out how smart you really are. Critics argue that all this test-taking is churning out sleep-deprived, overworked, miserable children.

But some children actually do better under competitive, stressful circumstances. Why can Jacob thrive under pressure, while it undoes Noah? And how should that difference inform the way we think about high-stakes testing? An emerging field of research — and a pioneering study from Taiwan — has begun to offer some clues.

Like any kind of human behavior, our response to competitive pressure is derived from a complex set of factors — how we were raised, our skills and experience, the hormones that we marinated in as fetuses. There is also a genetic component: One particular gene, referred to as the COMT gene, could to a large degree explain why one child is more prone to be a worrier, while another may be unflappable, or in the memorable phrasing of David Goldman, a geneticist at the National Institutes of Health, more of a warrior.

Understanding their propensity to become stressed and how to deal with it can help children compete. Stress turns out to be far more complicated than we’ve assumed, and far more under our control than we imagine. Unlike long-term stress, short-term stress can actually help people perform, and viewing it that way changes its effect. Even for those genetically predisposed to anxiety, the antidote isn’t necessarily less competition — it’s more competition. It just needs to be the right kind.

Every May in Taiwan, more than 200,000 ninth-grade children take the Basic Competency Test for Junior High School Students. This is not just any test. The scores will determine which high school the students are admitted to — or if they get into one at all. Only 39 percent of Taiwanese children make the cut, with the rest diverted to vocational schools or backup private schools. The test, in essence, determines the future for Taiwanese children.

The test is incredibly difficult; answering the multiple-choice questions requires knowledge of chemistry, physics, advanced algebra and geometry, and testing lasts for two days. “Many students go to cram school almost every night to study all the subjects on the test,” says Chun-Yen Chang, director of the Science Education Center at National Taiwan Normal University. “Just one or two percentage points difference will drag you from the No. 1 high school in the local region down to No. 3 or 4.”

6 Habits of Remarkably Likable People

6 Habits of Remarkably Likable People


They're charming. They're genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.

When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure.

But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They lose the power pose.

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.

No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.

Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)

They embrace the power of touch.

Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.

Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.

Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.

They whip out their social jiu-jitsu.

You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome."

Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.

Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...

SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you.

And you like them for it.

Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.

As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation.

No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.

We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.

(Kidding. Sort of.)

They whip out something genuine.

Everyone is better than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.

Too many people when they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. Crude reference but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Not literally, of course. I hope you haven't seen that.)

Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.

You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"

Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.

Be the real you. People will like the real you.

They ask for nothing.

You know the moment: You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then bam! Someone plays the networking card.

And everything about your interaction changes.

Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.

Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.

They "close" genuinely.

"Nice to meet you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.

Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile.

Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.

And they accept it isn't easy.

All this sounds simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing you," shuffle feels a lot safer.

But it won't make people like you.

So accept it's hard. Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.

But don't worry: When you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason enough--they'll like you for it.

And you'll like yourself a little more, too.
Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest leaders he knows in business. @jeff_haden